2011 recap

Apparently, 2011 was a very low year for me. I'm only just realizing this. Looking through photos on my hardrive, I noticed far fewer folders in 2011 as compared to earlier years.

Things happened, but I didn't feel the need to capture them in photos. Strangely, there were two folders of meaningless random photos taken with an old camera that once belonged to my father. They were mostly test shots to see if the camera worked at all.

It feels like I've been isolated for a long time. All of my friends and family live at least 30 mins away. Now, I know that isn't much, but it takes a toll on you after a while. You can't just drop by.

For most of 2011 I felt low, heavy, dark, and dreary. I tried different things to make me happy: shopping, walking through a park, trying new restaurants. I'd be sort of happy for a little bit, but none of these things had lasting effects.

I've never felt so sad in my life for no reason.

But there was a reason and it hurts too much to think about it.

When you realize you're with the wrong person, or that your relationship has run its course and you feel neglected and invisible but also smothered and anxious, it's a horrible feeling. But there's a strange lightness to the realization too. It's like the light at the end of the tunnel. There's a reason for this lowness so things can get better for me. I know I will feel better soon.

But right now it still sucks big time.

Old dress recon

I wore this dress about 12 years ago to a cousin's wedding. I was much thinner, but for some reason it still kind of looks okay. It's not the most "now" or flattering designs. It's just a high-necked sheath. I was thinking of reconstructing it into something really cool for another cousin's wedding in November.

So I had a plan...

The original idea was something like this plaid dress' shape. I added some tulle under the skirt and shortened it, but now it looks frumpy. I'm going to remove the tulle now to give it a sleeker shape. Oh, what fun. Pulling out stitches is the. most. fun. ever. really.

Unrelated - I heart this dress. It's vintage, so I'll never find it in a store unless I make it myself. But when would I wear it? I don't have time to do it for this upcoming wedding. Maybe for my sister's rehearsal dinner in January? No, it's too summery for January. I'll just put it off for another time.

Go Team Procrastination!

don't wanna be the fat sista

My sister is getting married in January.

I have 4 months to lose weight. I'd be happy with 10 pounds. 15-20 would be ideal for my frame, but I'll settle for 10!

I can do it!!!!

Pump it up!

Yeah!

(See, this should be working, but I'm still sitting here on the computer. Also, I ate some chocolate earlier. And drank wine. This will not un-do all of my previous hard work.)

It sure would be nice to go for a long brisk walk after work. If only the weather was nicer!!!!!

dreaming of my youthful days

Not goal-oriented in any way:

I was just thinking about how nice it was to be in my twenties. There was so much to look forward to, so much fun to be had, good skin, great metabolism... But in reality, it was rough. I hated living in the "south". I always felt like an outsider in that town. I really hated it, but I stayed because I thought I was in love. Who knows, maybe I was? It all turned out so badly. Why didn't I move after I graduated? That's always the decision I ponder. What was I thinking?

So dumb, so young.

Attainable: Clandestine Performance Art

I just had a wonderful idea. I hope it's not creepy. I need to think this over, I think. I think.

Here's the idea: Find a complete stranger's address and mail them a small drawing in a plain envelope. The drawing will be pleasant, nothing threatening... maybe I should include an explanation.

Dear Stranger,

You have recieved this drawing (art?) by random selection. In today's word of internet and ipods, I wanted to create something that would make a connection with a person in a real way.

I hope this brings a smile to your face, or brightens up your day in some small way.

Sincerely,

Another Stranger

Attainable: Home ownership

The Dude and I have placed a bid on a townhouse we really like. It's right smack-dab in between where we both work, so it's a fair compromise.

I'm excited about moving in with him and getting a place of our own, but I'm going to miss my cute little Farmer's Market-walk around town. Sigh. No more popping across the street for a forgotten grocery while the spaghetti water boils.

This town represents a lot of independence for me. Everything came about on my terms here-finding this apartment, getting my favorite job, and meeting the Dude. Before I moved in here, I would walk around the Main Street and think of how much it reminded me of Stars Hollow on the Gilmore Girls (one of my guilty/geeky TV pleasures). Small mom & pop shops, cute restaurants, galleries, music, food, people watching... all delightful.

I know I will find a new way of people watching in my new town. I look forward to the change and of having my own washer and dryer!

Attainable: ebay

Things are selling and it's a very, very good feeling. Did I mention that already? I even had someone email me inquiring if I had more of an item I had posted. Yay!

I've made about (gasp!) $150.00 so far.

Woo hoo!!!!!!