Things happened, but I didn't feel the need to capture them in photos. Strangely, there were two folders of meaningless random photos taken with an old camera that once belonged to my father. They were mostly test shots to see if the camera worked at all.
It feels like I've been isolated for a long time. All of my friends and family live at least 30 mins away. Now, I know that isn't much, but it takes a toll on you after a while. You can't just drop by.
For most of 2011 I felt low, heavy, dark, and dreary. I tried different things to make me happy: shopping, walking through a park, trying new restaurants. I'd be sort of happy for a little bit, but none of these things had lasting effects.
I've never felt so sad in my life for no reason.
But there was a reason and it hurts too much to think about it.
When you realize you're with the wrong person, or that your relationship has run its course and you feel neglected and invisible but also smothered and anxious, it's a horrible feeling. But there's a strange lightness to the realization too. It's like the light at the end of the tunnel. There's a reason for this lowness so things can get better for me. I know I will feel better soon.
But right now it still sucks big time.
